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The Bachelorette Episode 4 Recap

Connor Ryan

 

Our nation is going through a rough patch right now. We are mired in between a pandemic and an election which already felt never ending. To which now an oversized Oompa-Loompa is crying foul because he’s losing.

So it was up to Chris Harrison, that beautiful SOB, to take our minds off of what was going on. He has promised the most dramatic and wild season ever. And so far I have to say through the first three episodes it hasn’t disappointed.

There have been “Are they here for the right reasons?” Dale getting roasted by his fellow housemates, Bennett is the hero and Clare has been both the love interest and the villain of the show.

But, I will say. I was disappointed with this fourth episode.

Perhaps its that our real world and politics have been a week long reality TV program.

Maybe it’s that Trump is so off the wall, as we watch Clare we’re like “Only one emotional break down? That’s it? I saw Trump have like five in the span of twenty minutes.”

Maybe all the drama had already happened. We already saw the dust up, watching the dust settle is relatively boring.

But whether it was anti climactic or not, my job is to recap the episode for you. And by God that’s exactly what I am going to do!

We Need To Talk

So if you remember from Episode Three there was a group date where the men were suppose to put on a roast. Well it turned into the roast of Dale Moss. To which Clare took great exception to because well she sort of has a crush on Dale.

So she ended the date with out giving any of the guys a rose. That did not play over well.

Guys were obviously beginning to see the connection between her and Dale. And after that they’re suspicions were confirmed, they had no shot. So they began to wonder, what am I even doing here?

I mean the obvious answer is to gain fame and fortune and to boost those Instagram followers, but obviously you can’t just say that on camera.

So Chris Harrison, the beautiful sunfish, basically asked Clare if she was all in on Dale or not.

To which she says yes, admits she creeped on all the guys social media accounts during quarantine and had already gotten a head start on who she liked (Dale).

Chris does ask her point blank if she and Dale were in contact before the show. She says no. I’m guessing there’s something legally/contractually in there to which if she said yes she’s in real hot water.

Harrison plays it off as though it’s all fine and good, congrats on finding love, way to go girl you knew what you want and you went out and got it.

She is more of a Hamilton than a Burr.

This basically confirms that she is willing to end her time as the Bachelorette. That she is all in on Dale and if that goes south, too bad so sad.

So how does it go with Dale?

Do You Like Me or Like Like Me?

So Harrison sets up a one on one date between Dale and Clare to see if he likes her as much as she likes him.

My wife while watching this part just kept laughing and said “Oh my God this is so incredibly High School”

You don’t need to watch the video it’s “I love you” “well I love you more” “Well I love you the most!”

Clare tells Dale she loves him, Dale says it back.

The funniest part of this is when Clare says “What is happening?” as she goes in for a kiss/make out session.

She thinks she’s being poetic and dramatic only for Dale to be corny as hell and try and be just as dramatic and poetic back when he responds with “Life. Love.”

Hahahaha Dale, my man, Clare is trying to get frenched, not Edgar Allen Poe’d.

Also please credit me with being the first person to ever use Edgar Allen Poe as a verb.

And then, wait hold on, SPOILER ALERT.

 

 

 

 

They go back to Clare’s villa and DO IT.

The Other Guys

Clare isn’t totally out of the woods yet, she has to go break up with the other 16 guys. Honestly she might have done this before she went on the date with Dale, but who cares whatever.

She dumps them. Some are hurt like Jason and Blake who were the most emotionally invested guys in the group. The rest are sad because they think their chances at becoming reality TV famous will have to wait until Bachelor in paradise.

A few guys get upset at Clare saying that she wasted their time. Which I mean yeah she sort of did if it was a rigged competition from the start.

Clare though because she is typical Clare, flips the blame back on them. Basically saying that she will not apologize for falling in love. Which I mean I guess you shouldn’t.

But still, that would be like you talking to a significant other, thinking it’s going great and then them dumping you for someone that was already basically dating them. You would want an apology for that. I mean good for them finding someone and falling in love, we all deserve that. But still an apology for the inconvenience is nice.

However if you recognize that outfit Clare is wearing it’s because you’ve seen it in the promo’s. It’s the one she is wearing where she’s out on the street crying with like three to four people around her.

For the entire show we figured it was maybe her blowing up the Bachelorette because she sucks and no one likes her. Or Dale dumps her. Or someone says something mean.

Nope it’s her crying because she just had to break up with 16 awesome guys.

See what I mean when I said this episode was disappointing?

If You Like It, You Should Put a Ring On It

This is what is weird about this show. They force the winner and the bachelorette/bachelor to get engaged. Right after they very publicly dated like 20 other people.

Like on Pilot Pete’s season last year. Madison, the best choice of the final three. Didn’t want him to have sex with the other girls as is usually what happens in the fantasy suites. She was a virgin and wanted to save herself for her husband and wanted Pete to save himself for her.

I can’t blame her for that decision. Why would you want to get engaged to someone who had sex with two other people less than a week ago?

I mean you wouldn’t do that in regular society.

Chris Harrison has to call Neil Lane to get a ring already picked out.

To which a guy who probably gladly sells expensive jewelry to suckers who think they’re in love was even skeptical that Clare already found someone.

But then Harrison tells Clare that the next step is a proposal. She is over the moon excited about it.

He tells Dale the same thing. Dale, perhaps due to editing, seems less as excited.

The editing team does as admirable a job as they can to try and build suspense for what is a dull moment. They tie in shots of Harrison walking out to Clare all alone waiting for Dale and interject it with Blake and another guy talking by the pool about how they think Dale won’t go through with the proposal.

To which we are all like woah wait what??? But then Clare asks if Harrison is going to make her cry by saying Dale flew the coop and instead he drops this on her.

I physically boo’d my television for that stunt. Anyways, Dale proposes, Clare says yes.

Wow, excitement, yay.

Meet The New Boss

The men think their time is done, they are packing up their bags to leave.

But guess who, Chris Harrison stops by to tell them that their journey isn’t over just yet.

He tells each guy that they have every right to leave if they can’t emotionally handle it.

Blake brags about how he had bought a book about Alzheimers and Dementia to try and understand what Clare’s mom is going through right now. Sorry Blake, no studying for this pop quiz!

Jason was the one most on the fence honestly. He had the one on one date with Clare, opened himself up emotionally in front of millions of people watching, and then those inner demons he talked about began to show when Dale was getting more attention than he was.

I’m scared of Jason.

Anyways, nobody opts out. Every guy stays on board to meet the newest Bachelorette, Tayshia.

I sort of feel bad for her. She’s in a tough spot here. Usually it’s the guys who meet her one by one and have to go over the top to impress her.

Instead she has to try and impress all 16 guys at once and she already knows she is not their first choice.

So a tough position to be put in for sure. But of course we don’t actually get to see those interactions yet, that is for next week…

The Quarantine Honeymoon

Are you sick of Dale and Clare yet? WELL THAT’S TOO DAMN BAD!

Watch their suburban blissful life for like a week. There’s no way two people who got engaged within like two weeks of meeting with each other could break up right?

I guess Dale is a good significant other. I mean every man should hype up their woman by acting as though she’s the equivalent of Gordon Ramsey because she can put together a salad. It takes serious talent to throw lettuce and vegetables together and to drizzle some sort of dressing over the top of that.

My grandfather always said that part of the reason he married my grandma was because her mom was a great cook so he knew she would be. Dale just stole my grandpa’s play book.

By the way, next week we get a small, “tell-all” between Dale and Clare about how things are going. Spoiler alert, they are still engaged. And Harrison doubles down on the “Did you two talk before the show?” question.

Episode MVP: Chris Harrison

The dude with the most screen time this week. But I thought he did well. He handled a melt down with class and grace.

Clare didn’t play by the rules and whenever someone called her out on that in the slightest she freaked out.

And yet Harrison was able to ride the fine line of tough love but yet being supportive. He’s the perfect friend for that one crazy person we all know who’s relationships never work out.

He isn’t an enabler and yet he is also not a jerk about it. We should all strive to be more like Chris Harrison.

Episode Winner: America

It’s been a long, tough week for us Americans. We needed some time to relax and shut off our brains for a minute. But let’s count the victories here.

  • Didn’t have to talk about red or blue states. Didn’t have to number crunch votes or learn about what counties in what states voted for who during the 2004 election because it somehow applies to now.

  • Didn’t have to hear anything about Donald Trump
  • Finally got rid of Dale and Clare. It was fun when it caused drama, now that it works for both of them, eh who cares
  • Got a new bachelorette and are keeping the guys we have invested emotionally in
  • Bennett is still around.

That’s a clear win in my book. Go us. Go USA.

Episode Losers: Jason and Blake

As I mentioned Jason has been an emotional mess since he opened up to Clare and then was pretty much rejected from there on out.

I am seriously scared of Jason.

And then Blake. I was a fan of his after episode one. Was weirded out by him in episode two. Now I’m really creeped out by him.

He bought a book about Alzheimers and dementia. That’s nice that he did that for Clare don’t get me wrong. But its also one of those things where if it’s a true good deed, it doesn’t need to be said.

He brings it up almost as a complaint. Like why did I bother spending the time to do that? I mean for one, knowledge is always good. You learned something about two very common and terrible diseases. Nothing wrong with that, that’s a win whether it got you in bed with someone or not.

But it’s also somewhat stalker like. He DM’d her before the show, he’s researching her and doing research to understand her plight better.

And then throughout the whole episode he keeps trying to either tell the house or himself that Dale isn’t that interested in Clare. Or there is no way those two will end up together.

He was in 100% denial about Dale and Clare. I liked him at first but as time goes on, I begin to worry about him and his motivations.

Next Week/Season

We basically get two seasons of the Bachelorette in one! This one with Tayshia seems to actually follow how the show wants everything scripted out.

One question obviously is who is Tayshia’s Dad saying that he doesn’t like?

That will have to be our new running guess of the week, who’s the bad guy.

The only thing I know, is it can’t be my hero Bennett.

Sliding into LinkedIn DM’s, what can’t this guy do?

Connor Ryan (@connoryan68/@PodVerbalCommit/@YourFantasy_CGS)

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