The Bachelor: Episode 5 Recap

It was finally a good night on this season of The Bachelor.

We’ve all been waiting for this episode for what feels forever. I was shocked to see that we were only at episode five, it feels so much longer than that.

So why was this such a good episode? Let’s talk about it.

Big Teeth Bigger Lies

Anna finally got what was coming for her.

She started a rumor about one of the new girls Brittany which was very quickly shut down. But it spread around the house amid the rest of the “OG” girls using the ammo as reasons as to why they’re better than the new girls.

And don’t let Anna’s “tears” fool you she isn’t sorry.

She opened up this episode telling MJ that she “doesn’t give a f**k” about what the other girls think.

That is, until Matt brought it up to the group, and she quickly turned heel.

Now Brittany is not out of the woods here either. Matt asked her about the situation, and while it may of been hard for her, her tears or lack there of were pretty pitiful as well.

But Anna, tried as hard as she could to find some tears.

And she tried to claim that it was “an off handed comment” “just me in a bad place mentally”

Nope, nope, nope, go back and watch the tape, she felt zero, zilch, nada remorse for what she said.

She’s not sorry about what she said, she is sorry she got caught.

The best way you can see that is how she cried and cried all the way to the car. And as soon as Matt closed the door behind her, the tears were gone.

Peace TF out Anna.


This is what made the night. No matter what happened this episode, my night could not be ruined after this.

So from the previews last week we knew Victoria was in trouble. She was going to be “literally sick”

Well after Anna gets sent home that puts the rest of the girls on notice. The mood of the cocktail party turned into a big brown nosing fest for the new girls.

To which Victoria did a ton of taking back her words/actions. She tried to tell former Ms. Puerto Rico that she was sorry for stealing her crown and that it was never malicious.

Luckily Ms. Puerto Rico saw straight through that, knowing Victoria could have apologized for that at any time over the last week. But now that she realizes she’s in danger, she acts nice.

She also hovers around every girl who talks to Matt basically asking what they all talked about. Paranoid, and rightfully so about whether her name has come up.

Which it did. Ryan, one of the new girls when asked about the house environment dropped Victoria by name as a reference. And how she called Ryan a “hoe” simply because she was a dancer.

So Matt addressed his concern with Victoria who obviously denies it and says that her “hoe” comment was taken out of context.

Which thank God, Matt asks how that could ever be taken out of contest. And Victoria had zero answer. Because there is no good answer.

She then talks to the camera about how she is the only obvious match for Matt, how he is her king and she is her queen. Just wait till that gets flipped on it’s head in like five minutes.

She also claimed that she’s honest, real and hard working.

A girl whose job title on the show is a “queen” says she’s hard working. Right….

I’ve already worked harder on this blog than Victoria has her entire life.

Another classic Vicky moment was when she was saying how she isn’t at all toxic. And then in the same breath says “But Katie is a loser.” I mean imagine putting your own foot in your mouth that fast and effortlessly?

Which leads us to the actual rose ceremony. The rest of the girls file in uneasy, while Victoria freaks out on her own, realizing that her manipulative jig is up.

It was honestly incredibly refreshing to see her uncomfortable. To finally see her in the vulnerable position where she realizes her entire house of cards is about to come crashing down around her.

It was like watching someone go through the seven stages of grief in 10 minutes on national TV. Except they were just stuck on the first stage of denial. And you hate them, so it makes it funny.

In what I’m guessing is the highlight of the season, she doesn’t get a rose.

So of course she leaves in true Victoria fashion.

It might be clever editing, but it sure looked like there were zero girls ready to give Victoria a hug goodbye. And when she left, she walked up to Matt, arms crossed and told him he’s an idiot for not giving her a rose (he’s not).

She then walked off without giving him a hug, and proceeded to say how everyone in that house is toxic, how Matt sucks, and that she’ll never date another Matt ever again.

So congratulations to anyone named Matt. Honestly any man that meets Victoria should tell her that his name is Matt just to avoid her.

Victoria’s Obituary

Since she said that she would, and I quote “literally die” if not given a rose, I can only assume (hope) that Victoria is indeed, dead.

I do owe this to Victoria. She made these blogs a couple thousand words long this season because she was so over the top.

But like I said weeks ago, she was always what was worst represented over the past year. She basically was Donald Trump as a girl on The Bachelor.

Spoiled rotten, entitled and felt like everyone should do her bidding. The way that she left the show and Matt with zero class or grace was very fitting of her.

There is a lot of talk about whether she was a paid actress to make the show more dramatic since Matt is kind of a snooze fest. And who knows she might be.

But I feel as though part of that personality was genuine.

It’s disturbing, sure, to know there are people like that who walk among us and that we deem as society. But let us all strive to be Katie’s and rise above it.

So good riddance Victoria. Ya bum.

These is Bloody Shoes

The first one on one date this week went to Rachel.

The girl who looks just like Rebecca Black.

And who is also maybe racist? We’ll get to that.

Her date is the highly coveted designer fashion one.

And the biggest draw of the date was that she got to keep all the fancy clothes that the show bought for her. And she got red bottoms from Matt.

I’ll be 100% honest, I had to ask my wife what the big deal was about having shoes with red bottoms. I’ve had basketball shoes with red bottoms, nobody freaked out for me.

I mean I understand that it’s fancy footwear, I listen to Ariana Grande and Cardi B. “Happiness is the same price as red bottoms” and what not.

I just don’t get the point. I guess it’s one of those things that’s just cool because it’s expensive or something.

Rachel makes the comment about never having shoes that cost more than $40 before. To which everyone ran to her insta and found countless examples of footwear that costs more than two crisp $20 bills.

Understandably the rest of the girls were jealous. Some girls like Abigail and Michelle began expressing their concerns of dating someone, falling for them, but then having to watch them also date other women who live with you. It’s seriously the gift that keeps on giving.

Matt and Rachel also then express at dinner that they are falling in love with each other. Like since when?

Saying I love you on this show feels more forced than two sixth graders who exchange ring pops at recess in a fake engagement ceremony that they planned on MSN messenger the night before.

Cooking With Kit

So while Rachael get’s red bottoms, Kit, the actual fashion “expert on this show, gets a different date with Matt. She gets to cook in the kitchen!

Now before you think the producers are all of a sudden assigning 1950’s gender roles, Kit expressed to Matt that her happy place is cooking in the kitchen with her Mom. Who is apparently a famous fashion person?

They make cookies, but then never eat them. And I refuse to believe it was edited out because after popping those bad boys in the oven, the two of them start making out. There is no shot those cookies are burnt to a crisp in that oven, no chance they remembered to take them out.

I don’t like Kit. Not a fan of her. She is secretly part of the Mean Girls club that is quickly disbanding. But Matt obviously likes her so that sucks.

I just think it’s funny, one girl gets designer clothes, the other, burnt cookies.


Before you react poorly to the paragraph title and the video itself this is a quick section defending Abigail.

Abigail tells Matt that she’s nervous about truly falling in love with a man. Because the chances are high that her children will be born deaf like her and her sister. It’s just science and biology.

Her Dad left her and her sister when they were younger and she doesn’t want the same thing to happen to her or her kids.

It’s a legitimate insecurity and a legitimate worry.

Which leads me to my point. Like 80% of the other girls on this show do not have legit things to worry about.

I believe Rachael said she’s insecure on her one on one date with Matt. That she isn’t confident. As did Kit because she grew up with “red carpets and gold bentleys.”

Even Bennett thought that statement was over the top privilege.

I’m pretty sure Sarah on her date said the same thing. That she doesn’t feel confident. Sarah you dated G-Eazy, you are confident enough.

Basically I am tired of these girls feigning insecurity to try and manipulate Matt. I bet $100 you see these girls pre-COVID, at the club or bar, not on TV, they are confident as all hell. I’m not buying it.

Oh but Abigail got the rose from this group date so yay!

The New Villain

This was a bad week to be a mean girl.

After Anna and Victoria get shipped home for being jerks, MJ skates by but the rest of the house has their eyes set on her.

She gets name dropped in discussions with Matt for starting the entire “Varsity Squad” movement. Which was a dumb, terrible nickname to begin with.

So when it’s brought up to her attention MJ sticks to her Mean Girl ways and lashes out. Rather than sit back and re-consider her actions, she instead yells “I lead by example!”

To which the rest of the women 100% agree with that statement and point out to her that’s the reason she’s in this predicament.

The main beef ends up being between Jessenia and MJ. And Matt pulls the same move as Tayshia did with Bennett and Noah. Meet up before the Rose ceremony to hash things out and put the beef to bed.

This was a hilarious moment to close out the episode. They make both girls wheel their luggage to the lobby together, and then make them sit in the same car together in the back seat.

I couldn’t stop laughing.

Once they sit down and start arguing with each other MJ claims that she preaches nothing but peace and harmony.

Despite that after Sarah tried to apologize to everyone for crashing the group date she asked MJ if they could talk privately and she said “I need to cool down.” (MJ wasn’t even on that group date).

I’m sad, I had high hopes for MJ this season. I think I had her as a favorite after episode one, but she has pissed that opportunity away.

Thanks a lot.

However this is The Bachelor. Just when we think another mean girl is getting sent home, Matt throws us a curveball and kicks innocent Jessenia to the curb. It happens.

Episode Losers: Mean Girls

We say…

To Anna, Victoria and hopefully soon MJ.

They ran the show for five weeks too long. And while this blog certainly appreciated the drama that they brought to the table, my heart is happy that they’re outta here.

Episode Winner: Rachael

I mean she got a one on one, and she got red bottoms. Which I still don’t understand how they’re fancy or high society.

And designer clothes and a rose while Kit got… cookies.

It’s honestly tough to find a bigger winner than her this week.

Well, other than us, America because our national nightmare known as she who shall not be named is gone.

Next Week

Looks like more drama. See we don’t need Victoria for drama!

Katie once again goes at it with, someone. I need to start seriously learning names.

Tyler C, who was a quarterback at Wake Forest with Matt James comes back. I know that was a big selling point for die hard fans.

And then someone named Heather? I don’t know who she is but the internet is freaking out about her.

I just like how Chris Harrison is like “no you could ruin this entire thing for Matt, you’re not allowed here.” And then she obviously is allowed here.

So Chris, this is for you.

Connor Ryan (@connoryan68/@PodVerbalCommit/@YourFantasy_CGS)

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