When contemplating my next article I was thinking of doing a list. I wanted to do a list that you don’t see often, and then I looked at myself in the mirror.
That’s when it hit me.
I should do a list of the best Gingers we’ve seen play. Gingers get shit on all the time, so let’s take a 5 minute break to appreciate the best ones, and then we can go back to making fun of how they have no souls and their sunburns.
So lets jump right into it!
The Best Ginger Athletes of Our Generation
The Cinicinnatti Bengals QB comes in ranked at #5. In his first 4 years in the league from 2011-2014 he brought the Bengals to the playoffs, and then promptly lost all of those games. He’s had some rough years since and hasn’t been back to the playoffs, but that’s not why he made it on this list. The reason I put him on this list is because of his transformation. Do you see how ugly his hair looked when he was first starting out in the league? That hairstyle alone just screams that he was picked on growing up, and then bam he changes it up and suddenly he’s stealing your girl. Maybe if he puts as much effort into practicing as he does fixing his new hairstyle he could win a playoff game… probably not.
I know what you are all thinking, “Does Blake Griffin really count as a Ginger?” Yes he does.
I consulted with the Council of Gingers, which I’ve been an active member for 22 years now, and we voted on his Gingerness a long time ago.
He passed by a landslide. He won the dunk contest back in 2011, and has put plenty of NBA players on posters ever since. Every time he goes up for a dunk he channels the anger and frustration of every Ginger ever and slams it down. That’s why all of his dunks are so powerful, it has nothing to do with the fact that he’s just an absolute freak of nature.
The most successful Ginger athlete of all time in my eyes. He has 3 Olympic gold medals, and 13 Gold medals in the Winter X games. He’s also the shortest Ginger on this list clocking in at 5’9”. Yes that’s right ladies you don’t have to be over 6ft tall to be successful in life. He gives all of us short guys some hope, and he was very young when he won his first gold. He won his first Olympic gold medal at the age of 19. Do you know what I was doing at the age of 19? I was contemplating skipping my 11 o’clock class because I thought staying awake until 4 am and eating Wendys for dinner at midnight was a bright idea. I wasn’t the brightest kid around, but at least Shaun White could help our reputation out.
I would like to make it very clear that I was on the Wentz Wagon solely because Wentz is a Ginger. When I saw a Ginger get drafted as the number 2 overall pick in 2016 I had to support him no matter what, and then he started his career 7-9. It was tough to watch but I believed he could bounce back, and look what he did this year. Had he not been injured this sexy prince harry look alike (but seriously has anyone ever seen them in the same room together? I didn’t think so) would have been the MVP. If you haven’t hopped on the Wentz Wagon you better get on now, because this stud is going to be around for a long time, and I wouldn’t doubt that he’ll win a few more Super Bowls for the Eagles.
The man, the myth, the White Mamba himself. That’s right Scalabrine is the greatest Ginger athlete of our time. He won his ring before Lebron, didn’t have to do anything for it, and got front row seats and behind the scenes access for that amazing LA-Celtics series in the finals. Most people don’t appreciate the greatness of Scalabrine while he was in the NBA. I might be a little biased because I rock his jersey practically all spring/summer long, but he was easily one of the best to ever play the game. It’s ridiculous that some of his memorabilia is so cheap. I have an autographed picture of his hanging in my room, and the frame almost cost more than the autograph. I can’t imagine why…
Wanna talk sports? Tweet me @gingerjohn47188 using the hashtag #yousilly