Well folks, we did it. We made it a full year since Donald Trump was elected president in the YUGEST election victory ever. Even though 46.4% of the country shouldn’t be allowed to vote ever again, this past week was still Election Day. Of course, we weren’t able to vote for another president, but there were still important elections that will affect local and national politics. The major race from last Tuesday was part of a series of special elections to fill open seats in Congress.
On November 7th, residents of Utah’s 3rd Congressional District went to the polls to fill the seat of the departing Rep. Jason Chaffetz. Chaffetz announced his early resignation early this summer, stepping down from his position as Chair to the House Oversight Committee. The announcement came shortly after the fallout from President Trump’s firing of FBI Director James Comey.
I’ll be honest; no one really cares about Chaffetz, Utah, or whoever won (His name’s Curtis or something, woo). This Election Day, instead, brought more attention to one of the final votes of the special elections that will fill Jeff Sessions’ Senate seat. On December 12th, Alabama will decide on a crucial vote that could lead to a Democratic senator from one of the most conservative states. But how can that be? Boy, do I have a story for you.
The past few weeks have seen a lot of sexual assault allegations, I don’t think I need to remind you about that (Peace out, Kevin Spacey. I’ll always love you, Louis C.K.). Politics weren’t spared from the phenomenon either. The Republican candidate for Alabama Senator, Roy Moore, hasn’t seen positive press in a while.
This guy is going for the creeper gold medal as he’s already racked up 5 sexual assault allegations so far (pick him up in your fantasy leagues). The accusers claim that Roy Moore had unwanted sexual encounters with them, most notably by a woman who was 14 years old at the time. I’ll skip the details, but I will say that this guy has been a piece of shit for a long time; These allegations begin in 1979 when Moore was 32. NOW he’s running for Congress (where the rest of the pieces of shit are).
I wouldn’t put it past Alabama to ignore all of this and still vote for him, especially since there are already people in Congress that are doing just that. Now, of course, he technically is innocent until proven guilty (which is impossible), but still… If I’m not allowed to see Louis C.K. anymore because he likes some extra attention, this guy shouldn’t be allowed to run our country (At least Louis asked first!).
Politics doesn’t make sense anymore, so I don’t know how this race will end. Fat chance Roy Moore drops out of the race and just lets his Democratic opponent win. There are some whispers that he could even be replaced on the ticket, despite the election before less than a month away. Only time will tell, I guess. Only two things are for certain: Don’t schedule Roy Moore to speak at your Middle School graduation and it is NOT okay even if you ask first.
Written By: CJ Wilcox (@CJWilcox7)
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed by this writer are solely his own. They do not necessarily reflect the views of Couch Guy Sports, affiliates, or other contributors. Yeah, I’m surprised I can get away with it too.