Kevin Garnett Suing Former Accountant Over $77 Million in Losses

Isn’t this such a classic sports story?

A profesional athlete makes it big, earns a large sum of money, then decides he wants someone who is deemed “more responsible” to handle it for him. Seems like it should be pretty simple, right? Wrong, because we live in a country filled with morons.

Checking in at the top of my list of morons is Charles Banks, but for the purpose of this blog, we’re going to change his name to “Dumbass.” Dumbass is the accountant who decided it would be a good idea to steal $77M from maybe the scariest man to ever play pro basketball. That’s not a bold claim, right? Anyway, why would anyone EVER steal from Kevin Garnett? If you watched basketball at all during KG’s prime, you know what I’m talking about when I say you do not fuck with that man at all. You have to have some serious stones to even think about stealing from him, let alone actually doing it. Not to mention the firm Dumbass worked for tried helping him cover the scandal up, so they’re getting sued too. I guess everyone at this firm is a dumbass?

This isn’t the first time that Dumbass has been caught stealing from NBA players. Back in 2017, he pleaded guilty to a wire fraud charge against Tim Duncan. Tim fucking Duncan. How are you going to steal from that guy? I’ve never met him (no shit), but he seems like one of the most genuinely nice guys to ever play the game. I lose more faith in humanity each and every day because of stories like this.

-Nick Cherico (@NickCherico2)

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