Joe Kelly Is Leaving Boston

This one sucks. Joe Kelly is an absolute sociopath. He was an integral part of the Red Sox World Series run this season. He sat in the Sox bullpen, a bullpen which for the whole regular season was completely broken. They were a liability game in and game out. Then the playoffs hit, and Joe Kelly, staring forward with dead eyes, just decided they were good now. A move only a true lunatic could pull.

Kelly posted an ERA of zero in the world series in 6 innings pitched, striking out 10 Dodgers, and winning the World Series. What did Joe then do? He signed with the team he just kicked the shit out of so he could sit and their bullpen while they watched him polish his new ring. That is how insane Joseph Kellerson is. He wont just strike out every batter, he will climb into their minds. And its not enough to just own real estate in the heads of the Dodgers lineup, but also their city. He’s gonna show up to every practice and just laugh at the Dodgers for losing so badly. He’s gonna wear that ring to every team meeting. He’s probably gonna murder somebody, honestly. And the Dodgers are going to pay him $25 million for it.

I assume thats his plan. Otherwise, I really thought he’d stay in Boston, but his new plan of joining previous opponents and just scaring them out of baseball is a good one too.

You will be missed, you beautiful psychopath.

Riley Banks (@rileybanks10)

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