Fried-ay: Participation Trophies, Cows vs. Chickens, and Non-Recyclers…

Guys, guys, GUYS! It’s officially Friday, which means it’s Fried-ay, which means it’s time for me to pop in some Dre Beats, toss on the “This is Sara Bareilles” Spotify playlist, and drip sex all over the driver’s side of my 2014 Ford Fiesta hatchback.

As always, I elect to explain what Fried-ay is for those less fortunate; therefore, Fried-ay is cause for concern, as well as rejoice. It’s a beacon of light piercing through the fog of the night, illuminating the murky waters of New England’s coastline. It’s three paragraphs worth of reprehensible opinions and dick jokes. Let’s get into it…

Yesterday, during conversation with a flock of 40+ year-olds, I was condemned for being a millenial. I think the conversation started with “Fucking Taxachusetts, doood” and ended with my generation somehow being partly responsible for climate change and mass inflation. I don’t know exactly, but what I do know is that this happens all the time and I think it’s time I stop being a bitch and put my foot down (not to their face, but in a blog obviously).

For the record, there are A LOT of aspects about my generation that I despise, most notably being the whole PC movement. I mean, could you imagine demanding an apology from someone you’ve never met, who made a comment that wasn’t about you, to someone you’ve never met, in a conversation you were never a part of?

Honestly think about that…

So yeah, I can understand a lot of the animosity towards millenials in that regard; however, the one argument I REFUSE to entertain anymore is the whole participation trophy thing.

First off, I genuinely don’t think unwarrented trophies have an adverse psychological impact on kids. Most kids would take a picture with it and just immediately refocus their energy on what ice cream they were getting at the truck in the parking lot.

Secondly, and most importantly, it’s not like we—as the nation’s 6-year-old representation—unionized to bargain for better trophy privileges. YOU GUYS FUCKING GAVE THEM TO US. HOW THE FUCK IS THAT OUR FAULT? WE DIDN’T ASK FOR THESE. THIS IS ON YOUUU DUDE!!!

My buddy proposed a good question the other day: If you could get rid of cows or chickens (so everything the animal provides as well), which would you do away with?

Now, judging by the responses, the answer to this is almost exclusively predicated on personal taste, but allow me to make a few arguments for saving chicken.

For starters, grilled chicken makes up roughly half of my diet. I’m no over-the-top fitness freak by any means but I do try to eat healthy and chicken serves as a vital alternative to beef in nearly every situation imaginable. Not to mention, turkey and bison burgers aren’t horrible either.

As for milk, there are alternatives as well so it’s not like you’re technically losing anything. It’s not like you can’t bake cakes or have milkshakes or eat burgers anymore, you’re just substituting for something that won’t kill you as fast.

Also, I’m a HUGE breakfast food guy and if you get rid of chickens, you’re basically eliminating breakfast off the planet. Pancakes/waffles are aggressive as fuck and since I’m over the age of 12, aren’t something I can live off. Eggs are the foundation of EVERYTHING and I can’t sacrifice that.

People who don’t recycle suck (I was gonna go into further detail but this blog’s already long enough)…

-Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

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