Fried-ay: Lying Parents, Mouse Hunting, And Weed…

Guys, guys, GUYS! It’s officially Friday, which means it’s Fried-ay, which means it’s time for me to squeeze every last drop of genius juice that is somehow still occupying the crevices of my brain.

For those unfamiliar with what Fried-ay is or has become, allow me to explain: Fried-ay is a voucher into a circus of dreams. It’s a gift. It’s the iPhone headphone jack of headphone jacks, which means it sucks because it doesn’t really exist. Let’s get into it…

Yesterday, my coworkers and I randomly started talking about parenting and how much you’re allowed to lie to your kids while they’re young. It’s just this miniscule moral grey area with parenting that’s socially acceptible to abuse into the ground.

Between the tooth fairy and telling them they can be whatever they want to be in life, a significant part of raising a child depends on your ability to bullshit. You can be the least caregiving piece of shit on the planet, but if you can convince your kid the ice cream truck plays music when its’ out of ice cream, than you’ll be all right.

My roommate is convinced we have a mouse in our apartment. Not mice, but a single mouse. A rogue mouse. A down on his luck mouse who doesn’t play by the rules. A mouse that’s a great cop, but just lets his emotions get in the way.

I found this out when I walked by his room on my way to bed and caught him staring at his nearly empty closet. After he told me about this supposed mouse, I asked him if he’s seen it, to which he replied “No, but I know it’s here” while never breaking eye contact with the closet.

To be honest, there may or may not be a mouse in our place; nevertheless, my roommate’s gone insane. He’s channeled every fiber im his body to a rodent hunting machine. He’s lost sleep over it. This mouse is his White Whale and until he can eradicate it, he’ll never be able to back to his old self.

The fact the NFL is leveraging the legalization of weed as a bargaining chip in the whole 18-game season argument is absolutely reprehensible.

Listen, I understand athletes can be assholes and sometimes they come off as selfish but why do owners seemingly always get a pass.

I’m not a weed guy, but holding the legalization of a federally legalized, low-risk drug with incredible potential in regard to managing pain, stress, and injury is a joke.

The NFL should be ashamed of themselves. They’re basically saying “The safety of our players is our UTMOST priority and we have the potential to greatly increase our treatment of that, but if you want it, you’re gonna have to bash helmets at full speed for two more games.” Give me a break, dude…

—Joey Boats (@joey_boats)