Guys, guys, GUYS! It’s officially Friday, which means it’s Fried-ay, which means it’s time for me to roll up my sleeves and grind out yet another installment of the greatest blog series one can find on the Internet.
For those unfamilar, do your best to dry your eyes because it’s unnecessary. Instead of confusing/pummeling your brain into pudding-like puddle of CTE, I make sure to inform everyone of what Fried-ay is before I get rolling. Therefore, Fried-ay is just a blog, but not just any blog; it’s a blog I write on Fridays…
It’s currently 7 AM and Netflix’s El Camino—basically a Breaking Bad spinoff movie that takes place difectly after the end of the series—premiered on Netflix just 4 short hours ago. Am I excited? I mean, I guess so.
For the record, the series’ creator Vince Gilligan penned and directed the movie, which is a very positive sign; however, I just wasn’t the BIGGEST Breaking Bad fan.
Gun to my head, I’d say it was a top 5 show all time but I’ll just never understand the people who suggest it’s the GOAT. It was the most hot and cold show I’ve ever watched. When it was good, it was REALLY good; when it was bad, it was a joke. Some of the dialogue was just ridiculous and I thought that Hank character was the most ham-fisted character on TV at the time.
Plus, there was that whole, three season cutaway buildup to this giant plane crash. Evidently, after the Jessica Jones girl died, the father—who was working air traffic control or something—was so distraught that he allowed two commercial airlines to fucking crash mid-air, leading to… well, I have no idea. If anyone can explain the point of that plane crash to me, I’m all ears. As I said, it was a solid 3 season buildup, and for what?
Working the night shift, there isn’t much open on the days I forget to bring food. In fact, the only place serving food from 12am to 5am is McDonald’s and I committed the cardinal sin of life this morning: I ate it.
I got one of those McGriddles, which is a sausage egg and cheese between to syrup-infused pancake things. They’re fucking gross. Just a ball of sweat and grease that I’m pretty sure they serve to terrorists as part of interrogation sessions at Guantanamo Bay. Like “Oh, you don’t know where the nuclear weapons are? Shove this trash down your throat and have fun shitting out organs before noon.”
I bought 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner the other and only realized I was an idiot a few days later when I ventured through the same aisle at Stop N’ Shop and noticed they had 3-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash. I mean, what a fucking moron I am, right?
My next billion-dollar idea came the next day. One of my coworkers (who will remain nameless for the sake of my family) has been rumored to brush his teeth in the employee locker room with hand soap. That day, I finally walked in and saw it. On one hand, I wanted to puke; on the other hand, I had a Jimmy Neutron-esque brain blast.
Why not 4-1 shampoo/conditioner/body wash/toothpaste. EVERYTHING you need to operate a hygenic lifestyle in one fucking bottle. EVERYTHING. I’m just waiting on the technology to catch up with the vision. Stay posted…
— Joey Boats (@joey_boats)