It’s a debate that has long lasted in our country ever since we learned how to deep fry parts of a tasty bird. Which is better? Bone in chicken wings, or boneless?
Well for one citizen of Lincoln, Nebraska the question should no longer be asked.
This is the political discourse we need in America.
— Dirk Chatelain (@dirkchatelain) September 2, 2020
First off, what a statement. This was incredibly well thought out and you could tell he really poured his heart and soul into it. It was succinct, concise and to the point. He didn’t use the platform as his own personal monologue like some people that you hear on sports talk radio.
The absolute best part of this video is when he mentions that the whole point of his speech is boneless chicken wings and someone in the crowd just starts giggling like he’s an audience member of Lane Kiffin.0. And then he whips around and says “Excuse me” in the most serious tone possible while another man chastises the giggler as well.
You might also be wondering why this debate rages on in all places Nebraska. Well this is what happens when you take our college football team away from us. When we can no longer ponder things like how we will be during year three of the Scott Frost era, we are able to make some incredible leaps and bounds intellectually.
Actually, if you took Nebraska football away, all of a sudden this state would probably become the most technological and sophisticated place in the world.
But alas, we have Husker football. And I for one am okay with making that sacrifice.
But to the main point of this blog, should we stop the use of the word “Boneless Wings.” The answer: ABSOLUTELY.
While we as a society today fight for both gender and racial equality and whether or not to wear a mask at the grocery store, the fight between chicken wing equality was over before the chicken or the egg. Bone-in wings are vastly superior to boneless.
In fact when boomers argue over where they feel society went wrong the answer is not cell phones, millennials or the Kardashians.
The answer was the creation of the boneless wing. I don’t know when it started, but I’m guessing it was a “Karen” who wanted to eat chicken wings. But didn’t want to get their hands messy, so they demanded a chicken nugget tossed in sauce and called it a boneless chicken wing, thinking it was clever. That’s where society went south my friends.
Bone in is so vastly superior, the meat tastes better, the sauce is better, you’re using your hands like God intended you to do. After eating a wing you get to clean the extra sauce off your fingers. Which some of you might think that’s disgusting or savage and if that’s so then keep your hoity toity opinions to yourself and get off my blog. (Thanks for the click though).
And there are different styles of wings. Where you have a drumstick, pretty standard, eat around the bone. And there is the Wingette, a simple twist and a removal of one of the bones, and it’s easily dippable and eatable.
And the bones afterwards are almost like a trophy, a monument to mans dominance over chickens. Where as if you have boneless, how do you keep track? There is nothing there. Just an empty plate that does not prove humanity being at the top of the food chain, rather a testament to our backwards slide as a growing society.
Boneless wings are exactly what Ander Christensen said about, “Saucy Nuggs” or “Trash.” In fact if you called them saucy nuggs, that is something I can get behind.
Absolutely not! What kind of absurd take is this? They’re just sauce coated chicken nuggets. https://t.co/1G2hdxA0LN
— Connor Ryan (@connoryan68) May 24, 2020
As you can see I have been fighting this fight well before today.
Because that’s all boneless chicken wings are, are sauce coated chicken nuggets. And if you want the simplicity of those, that’s fine, but do not dare sully the good name of chicken wings to do so.
Chicken wings are for the brave, chicken wings are for the the real MVP’s.
And as Mr. Christensen said, we need to do this for the children. While we may let our future generations down with global warming and with remake after remake of Disney movies and popular 80’s movie franchises, let’s not let them down with this.
So that when we take our kids out to see the newest remake of Harry Potter in twenty years (You know that’s totally happening too) when they go to a restaurant and order some chicken wings, you know damn well that there’s a bone in there.
By the way, full disclosure, big time ranch dipping sauce guy here. Any bleu cheese die hards come and fight me.
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