MLB

This Day In History – 4 Years Ago Vince Velasquez Strikes Out 16, Promptly Decides To Suck For 4 Years

“Pitching into the sixth inning……..I gave that up a looonnggg time ago kid.” – Vince Velasquez as he smokes a cigarette wearing sunglasses inside. 

Who the hell is this guy? Buzzing baseballs by people? Painting corners with late life on his fastball? I hardly recognize him! The only part of this game that looks familiar is that there was nobody at Citizens Bank Park. I mean this was just terribly depressing on a whatever day it is because I am quarantine crazy and don’t own a calendar.

Remember when the Phillies had promise? Vince Velasquez, Adam Morgan, and Zach Eflin were going to bolster the rotation behind Aaron Nola for years and years. Dominating the National League to so many pennants we would lose count. Darin Ruf, Maikel Franco, and J.P. Crawford were going to be the centerpiece of a lineup littered with Silver Sluggers and Batting Titles. (I know what you’re thinking and don’t you dare bring up Dom Brown or I will leap through this computer screen and choke you. We don’t speak ill of him and you know that.) We were supposed to have it all.

Man those years sucked. The Phillies still refuse to get rid of this bum. They trot him out there every fifth day just so we can see majestic 450 foot homeruns by the opposing team. I mean these guys have brass balls to look us in the eye and say we can’t do better than this. The Phillies have some amazing offensive talent but Vince Velasquez on the bump. And while we are airing our grievances, the MLB The Show Players Tournament is stupid. Stop shoving it in my face on Twitter. I don’t even know why I am so worked up about it, there’s not going to be any baseball this year. Sports are dumb and life is dumb and I miss sports. Somebody just let me out of my house.

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-Jon Sensi (@jon_sensi)

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