The Red Sox Need to Start Losing if They Want to Win The World Series

What’s up guys? How is your Wednesday? Have you guys been watching the Sox? They’re fucking awesome. I think its the first time in the last few years that they’re pitching and hitting are clicking at the same time. Sale is a machine. Price is lights out (because it isn’t the playoffs). And excuse my French but we’re hitting the ball very well.

For all these reasons I think its a good idea for the Sox to calm the fuck down. The season is 162 games long! Why are they wasting their best baseball so early? Nobody sprints at the beginning of the Boston Marathon. I don’t want to be looking back in October and say, “Hey remember how good the sox were in April?” …can’t believe they finished in last place. Bogarts injury is a perfect example. Oh, wow. Xander, you’re finally hitting well after a full season of sucking eggs? You’re our hottest hitter on a team full of hot hitters? Oh, where are you going? What’s that? You feel like diving head first down a flight of steps? Huh? You snapped your leg in half?

That’s an October play, man. Why are you trying so hard? NOBODY gives 110% in baseball. Why do you think Babe Ruth played drunk?

I think I speak for Red Sox nation when I say, “take it easy”. Let’s phone a couple games in. Jog after some popups. Strike out looking. No need to draw a target on our backs.

-Steak Jones