The Patriots Are Even Swimming Laps In the Brains of the Mets

My oh my what a doozy we have here. The Patriots just cannot stop ruining the lives of New York sports organizations bit by bit. They show up, they pants you in your own stadium, then they go to your local baseball team and steal their girls. What an incredible story we have on our hands.

Now the timeline looks a little something like this. Matt Harvey, AKA the Dark Knight, who is one of the Mets pitchers who is actually healthy, was reportedly out drinking until 4AM from May 5th into May 6th. He then woke up and played some golf (Absolute mind melting move to be able to drink until 4AM and still wake up in the morning to golf) and then proceeded to go back to bed after golfing. Harvey then missed the Mets matchup against the Miami Marlins on Saturday.

Blah Blah Blah the Mets learn that Harvey broke curfew and he was flat out too hungover and just missed the game on Saturday which then led to the Mets suspending him for three games without pay.

Before we get to Julian Edelman man-handling New York for the thousandth time of his career, I find it out-of-this-world hysterical that I had multiple people speculate to me that they assume Harvey got suspended for placing a big, black sex toy in the locker behind Kevin Plawecki last week when this image surfaced.

Sex Toy

But sadly for New York fans it was a New England Patriot once again dropping a flying elbow onto your existence.

Just to lay out some celebrity romance context this is the deal of what has been going on. Julian Edelman was dating Victoria’s Secret super model, Adriana Lima, for a decent amount of time. Rumor has it that she started talking about producing infants with Jules, he was like, “Eh, you know what, I’m good with this” and dipped on that relationship.

Lima Jules

Shortly thereafter Lima begins to see Harvey.

Lima Harvey

Not NEARLY as appealing of a couple but we’ll let this one go. We all make mistakes late at night where there’s booze.

So this goes on for not to to long and then… wouldn’t you know it… Edelman slides right back into the picture and rumor has it that Lima and Edelman were at a Met Gala after party together.

Jules Lima

Much more of an attractive couple, come on. That isn’t even a question.

So this picture surfaces and according to the New York Post, Harvey was an emotional wreck after learning that these two old flames were together at the Gala and he went into a straight up tail spin that even Sully wouldn’t be able to control.

Mind boggling concept. Julian Edelman decides he wants his girl back, and she couldn’t sprint back fast enough. I mean, comparatively it isn’t even a contest. Jules is a well groomed, Super Bowl champion who is consistently a star at what he does. Harvey is a booze bag who looks like he smells like old Cuban cigars and whiskey who let’s Mets fans down more than SNL let’s down its audience… every… single… week.

The Patriots have absolutely been the most dominant, ball breaking franchise of the 21st century. And frankly, if you’re in the way of what they want to win, or have a fun night with, they’ll pants you, tabletop you and then make you apologize to the entire city of New York for your poor choices because of it. Phenomenal. Get it together New York. You have a million franchises there and one of ours down here in Boston has defaced your state.

Written By: Nick Quags (@NickQuag)

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