Peace Out, 2017: Trump Ruined His Own Year, Making it Much Better for Us
I’m back, bitches! I couldn’t let 2017 end without getting the last word in. So before we all get wasted and start 2018 with a massive hangover, as is tradition, I would like to reflect on the last 365 days in the world of politics. Many of us thought this year would probably be our last, but we made it through (most of us, anyway). We came in so uncertain of the future and still there are many questions we had from 2017 that are still hovering over our head: Can this country learn to come together without shooting or sexually harassing each other? Will the vicious cycle of Republicans vs. Democrats every change? Will Donald Trump and LaVar Ball finally meet at Wrestlemania 34 to settle their feud? I guess we’ll just have to sit (and pout) through another year to find out!
Who would have guessed that we would still be talking about President Donald Trump come 2018? I am so far removed from 2016 that I don’t even want to mention why we’re talking about him. But I am genuinely surprised he hasn’t really REALLY screwed up this year. Not just screwed up his presidency, but this entire country. So many times have we heard and seen Trump almost TRY to start World War 3 already. He fucking Twitter trolled North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-Un! Who does that?! There is no positive outcome from that, I don’t get it. There have been too many moments of his presidency that I thought he was done, toast, impeached. Just haven’t gone all the way yet…
I am here today to explain that not everything was bad this year. We might still have the same dopey president, the same incompetently destructive media, and the same lingering feeling of our impending doom, but there is still a bright side!
Take Congress for example. This crazy year has seen equally crazy changes to the 115th United States Congress. When President Trump was elected, he pulled some of the most bizarre characters from their Congressional seats. This led to some very interesting special elections this year. Earlier this summer, there was the special election in Georgia to replace the House seat of Tom Price, whom Trump selected to his cabinet as the Secretary of Health and Human Services. It was one of the most closely watch (and highly funded) elections this year that gained the interest of politicians, news media, and even Hollywood. In one of America’s first chances to push back against Trump, Democratic candidate Jon Ossoff was defeated by Republican Karen Handel, taking the seat for Georgia’s 6th District.
Shit went CRAZY leading up to the final special election held just a few weeks ago. Jeff Sessions was one of Donald Trump’s first taps when it came to his presidential cabinet, taking the post as U.S. Attorney General. This also left his seat in the Senate wide open for the taking. It’s Alabama, no worries though. They are redder than Trump’s face while watching Saturday Night Live. Roy Moore, despite sexually assaulting underage girls throughout his career and not understanding how Anti-Semitism works, was set to takeover where Sessions left off. But nope! Democratic challenger Doug Jones stole the election and everyone’s hearts. Alabama hasn’t had a Democratic Senator in over 25 years. Dreams really do come true, folks.
But of course, the topic of the year is obviously President Donald J. Trump and his ragtag group of cumquats. Again… how is he still here? That guy has been golfing EIGHTY-SEVEN FUCKING times since he became President with an estimated cost to taxpayers of over $42 million! He is going through White House staff members like they’re his ditzy blonde girlfriends. Trump has only achieved 13 of his whopping 174 campaign promises too. But there has been some good from his inadequacies. President Trump’s approval rating is currently sitting at 40%, an improvement from his low of 33% in October. People are starting to realize that this guy is a joke and shouldn’t hold this office. Even Republicans and his own supporters are starting to turn on him. That is progress if I’ve ever seen it! Oh, and remember that FBI investigation that’s going on with some country that helped Trump get elected? There have already been charges filed against Trump staffers and one of them pled guilty! Robert Mueller and his team will be hiding in the shadows in 2018 until… BAM, you’re going to jail Donny boy! RUSSIAAAA!
The moral of this article is hope for the future. 2017 might have seemed shitty at points, but it wasn’t as shitty as 2016. We are already getting better! The people that started defecting to Canada can slowly start coming back because I guess we can live with Trump as president. He hasn’t started World War 3 or another Civil War. Fortunately for us, he’s basically just making himself and everyone that voted for him stupid. Don’t get me started on the people that think he’s actually making progress and doing a good job (LOL). We are one year down and we are holding up quite well. Only 1,115 days left for Trump, but who’s counting…
Happy New Year, folks. Please get drunk and lose your keys.
Written By: CJ Wilcox (@CJWilcox7)
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed by this writer are solely his own. They do not necessarily reflect the views of Couch Guy Sports, affiliates, or other contributors. Yeah, I’m surprised I can get away with it too.