It’s Halloween, So Be Ready….


Guys, guys, guys! It’s officially Halloween, which can only mean one thing: an extra spooky Halloween-themed Fried-ay blog on hump day. I’m currently locked away in the confines of my own special cube I’ve roped off in the library and I’ve been thinking about some things, as it relates to the blog.

For the last six or seven months, most of the feedback I’ve received regarding the blog is that people generally love the Fried-ay blogs. As I’ve stated before every Fried-ay blog ever, Fried-ay blogs are essentially just the sausage of the blog industry—I scrape all my fleeting ideas I failed to dedicate to an entire post off the cutting board and into an empty WordPress text book that I’ll eventually publish at the end of the week.

Now, these blogs also happen to be my favorite posts to write. There’s no formatting or pretending to string together concepts. I just fire off thoughts, which is a more accurate depiction of how my brain actually works. It’s just compartmentalized chaos in here, so why fight it?

In other words, Fried-ay blogs are dead, but not really dead. I’ll still post them on Friday (or maybe Saturday, Sunday, or Monday) but expect that format to be more commonplace as we tread forward from here on out. Let’s get into it…

So yeah, it’s been an exhausting couple weeks. Unless you’ve been living in a bomb shelter, you probably heard the Red Sox won the World Series and I’m still recovering from it. People outside of New England will never understand, but running on 3 hours a sleep/night because you’re obligated to watch yet another championship run is BRUTAL. Today is the parade. Death, taxes, duck boats…

Today is also October 31st, which means I’m obligated to rant on some Halloween-related shit. I wanted to borrow a page from Buzzfeed and shoot out my Halloween candy Power Rankings but realized it would be too shameless. Not to mention, Reese’s is the GOAT and arguing anything otherwise is just looking for shock clicks.

Also, another thing the Internet loves to do is shit on certain stuff for absolutely no reason. Whether it’s cargo shorts, Nickelback, or candy corn, the Internet collectively grabs their pitchforks and charges at whatever American staple they see fit and it’s bullshit. I love cargo shorts, I love Nickelback, and fuck anyone who swings at candy corn this year. For the record, candy corn isn’t great, but it’s fucking candy corn. You eat three or four of them a year. Is it really worth all this fuss? Not to mention, you’ve allowed society to dictate your opinion, which makes you unoriginal.

This unoriginality often bleeds throughout social media. People are fucking pathetic these days. If I have to scroll through Instagram and see another Squints/Wendy Peffercorn costume, I may develop Polio on the spot. I mean, how uncreative can you be while still passing as “creative.” It’s weird because that couples costume is capable of winning you a costume contest, as well as provoking a few people to say something like “Oh my God stoppp, that’s so clever.” At the same time, it’s also the 200th time I’ve seen it since 2009. Clean it up…

Lastly, if you’re someone in a neighborhood that gets flooded with kids tonight, be fucking ready. I’ll never forget one year when I was around 5 or 6 and I spent five minutes knocking on this dickhead’s door to no avail. The lights were on and I could see TBS on the screen upstairs. How big of a hack do you have to be to ignore kids on Halloween? Hit CVS, grab a bag of Skittles and throw it on the porch. I’m 26-years-old and whenever I jog by that house, I grit my teeth. No joke, I honestly hope that guy dies in a car fire….

Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

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