Ireland Is A Millennium Ahead of the USA Because of Their Bathroom Stall Doors & We Look Like American Chumps

As some people may know, I made my way to Ireland almost two weeks ago now for a little vacation. We know a couple of people who live there so why not hop on a plane and make our way to Europe. I’ve never been to Europe unless you count Bermuda which is technically part of the UK but it’s basically fake Europe. Bermuda is a fraud.

We land in Dublin, Ireland, I haven’t slept in about 20 hours, my eyes are falling out of my head and I’m driving my rental car on the wrong side of the road. The first left-hand turn that I made I almost drove directly into oncoming traffic. Side note, why the hell are we all not on the same page with driving in the world? Taxes? Okay sure, make your own. But just everyone drives on either the left or the right side so when tourists like me show up, I’m not close to having to Tokyo Drift in and out of oncoming tractor trailers.

So cool, we meet up with our friends there, meet his parents, we’ve been accepted. Eggs, pudding that’s not actually pudding and booze. Ireland.

We drive to the hotel that we’re staying at in Galway and I’m driving down “two-lane roads” that absolutely can’t fit two cars on it at once. I pull into the parking garage that doesn’t have enough room for more than 10 cars, we drop our stuff off and I lay down in bed. Oh, but you thought I would be able to sleep after being up for 26 hours straight? Buddy, you better believe we went out to get food. I actually might have taken a nap here but my brain was such mush at this point that I think I blacked out.

Okay so now we’re in a restaurant in Galway. One thing leads to another and suddenly I need to get my first taste of an Irish public bathroom. After walking through a maze to get there, I walk in and I’m 90% sure that Jesus was standing there and pointed me into the stall. I close the door… And there’s no crack. None. Am I still taking my nap and dreaming? A rainbow manifested itself right there in my stall. I can’t see anybody on the outside of the stall and they can’t take a little peek in to see what’s going on.

A month ago I was in a stall at a place in Newport, Rhode Island and these maniacs left a crack so damn big in their bathroom stall that you could see my thigh and it was ON THE SIDE OF ME! I’m turning my head and I can see these people at the urinal. It was mayhem. I couldn’t do it and I had to run out of there like I’d never seen a public restroom before.

Ireland has this on lock. Sure, maybe it was just that place that has the right idea? Oh, buddy. Every. Single. Public. Bathroom. Or as they call them “toilets”, is like this. This is how God intended public stalls. We Americans just have wild concepts of how these doors should be made.

I’m a big America guy but let me tell you, Ireland just increased in their world rankings in my eyes.

-Nick Quaglia (@NickQuag)

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