I Kind Of Want The Coronavirus

I know I know you think I’m crazy but hear me out. I watched a Facebook video about it last night guys don’t worry. The thing has like a 2% mortality rate. That means I have a 98% chance of surviving, I like those odds. Plus I could use a little rest and relaxation, just staying home from work for a few days.

I mean being sick is the best and you know it. You just sort of lay there and people do stuff for you and you take naps. It’s amazing. Well unless you’re a real adult but I digress. It would also be a great way to start my diet. Just drop a few pounds from having the coronavirus (maybe I don’t actually know what the symptoms are). Not to mention everybody would finally leave me alone. I can only do so much human interaction before I go nuts so this would be a nice hiatus for me. Nobody wants to hang around somebody with the coronavirus.

Plus I never got the bird flu and I felt left out. Everybody was coming down with that bad boy and I was just sitting there healthy as can be like some kind of loser. I would flaunt my coronavirus all over the internet so everyone would know I didn’t miss out on the trend this time. I would even post a picture with one of those masks on and a Corona in my hand. Think of all the likes that would just roll in. I don’t know maybe I just need the attention but here’s to not taking any vitamin C or washing my hands until we finally get this thing.

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-Jon Sensi (@jon_sensi)