Giancarlo Stanton To The Yankees Makes Me Want To Die

There it is! There it frigen is. Multiple reports from this morning are saying that the Yankees have reached a deal with the Miami Marlins that will send the reigning National League MVP over to New York for infielder Starlin Castro and some low level minor league prospects.

This is a death blow to all Red Sox fans. Prior to last night it seemed like it was almost inevitable that Stanton would end up in San Francisco. There was almost no doubt in any of the reports. Stanton was going to join Mad Bum over by the Bay and launch balls to the kayakers in the water.

The Cardinals put out a statement yesterday that they were notified that Stanton will not be waiving his no trade clause to join them in St. Louis. Which, fine, okay. Probably because he’s going to end up in San Fran, right?

Well then not too long after that, reports are that NOW THE GIANTS HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED THAT STANTON WON’T COME THERE EITHER.


So what’s going on? A new list comes out of the four teams that Stanton says he would join if they were able to come to an agreement with the Marlins. And, surprise, it’s the four team’s that made it to their League Championship Series last season. Shocker. We already knew this guy wanted to win but this made it sound like he’s about to go full Kevin Durant on us.

Okay, sure. Just as long as it’s not the Yankees I couldn’t care less. The smoke starts to rise up on Twitter. We got swinging D Rosenthal coming out and saying that the talks between the Yankees and Marlins are becoming real. Am I nervous? Yeah I’m nervous. But it can’t happen, right? No way. Hahaha. Come on. Please. The Yankees? No. They already have Aaron Judge and Gary Sanchez? No. Okay really who’s going to grab him. LA, Houston or Chicago.

And then this pops up out of the trees.

Am I rattled now? Yeah. I’m SHOOK. The Celtics just lost and now it’s becoming really really real that Stanton could end up in New York.

And then I wake up, and I get punched in the mouth with this. You ever get punched in the mouth as soon as you wake up? Try it. It SUCKS.

Please God, no. Why are you doing this?

It’s over now here in Boston. It was a nice little run they had. This nice, fun loving group really having a great time. Doing their dances landing on top of the AL East two seasons in a row. Consider that over. The Yankees are back to being kings.

Remember that old nickname, “The Bronx Bombers”? That is back and it is more alive than ever.

Let me tell you this. Their 3 and 4 hitters? Stanton and Judge? They had a combined home run total last season of 111. THAT IS ASININE.

I just don’t know what to say at this point. It’s cute what the Red Sox have, but if they want to keep pace with New York and be relevant this season, they’re going to have to pull the trigger on two guys this offseason. One of them has to be JD Martinez. It just needs to be. I can live with someone blasting 45 bombs during the 2017 season. And on top of that, they need to either add Eric Hosmer too, or make that trade for Jose Abreu without question.

Now here’s the catch. Now that the Yankees made that move for Stanton… Where does that leave Bryce Harper next season? There was a lot of speculation about whether or not he’d end up in New York with a MASSIVE contract… But now that they have Stanton I can’t see that happening anymore. As much money as they have that would be as fiscally responsible as a teenage girl in ULTA. And let me tell you, that’s not responsible.

Speaking of. News just broke that those money holding ass hats in New York are paying $260-$273 MILLION of the $295Mil still owed to Stanton.

Straight up I may never watch baseball again. I’m done. Cooked. Get me off of this earth because I can’t do it anymore.

Written By: Nick Quaglia (@NickQuag)

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