Guys, guys, GUYS!!! It’s officially Friday, which means it’s Fried-ay, which means it’s time for me to pull into work, reorchestrate my eventual suicide plan, and dump a vat of unfiltered opinions into a swamp of cyber tranquility.
For those unfamiliar with what Fried-ay is, you’re in luck because I always make sure to enlighten the masses every week.
In a nutshell, Fried-ay is a reason to wake, mourn, cheer, break out in song, and dance the night away. It’s a day characterized by blue blooded American values and incest porn. It’s a weekly blog…
First things first, I walked out of Toy Story 4 about an hour ago and damn, did Pixar do it again. I won’t reveal spoilers; however, I will say that it was a movie I never knew I wanted until I saw it.
After the third movie, I did one of those blackjack dealer moves where I clapped my hands and brushed them away from my body, insinuating that “Yup, that was clean. That’s all we need.” When I saw they were making a fourth, I was skeptical but with poor reason. Pixar’s a buzzsaw and you can expect another emotional typhoon come next theater visit. Review will come next Tuesday…
The NBA draft was last night and obviously everyone watched because everyone is incredibly stupid. There are a lot of things I’ll never understand about our society and actually sitting down to watch the draft—in any sport—is at the peak of that list.
As you guys know, I’m a big sports fan but the draft isn’t a sport. It’s a ballroom with a bunch of 19-year-olds in obnoxiously overpriced suits talking to their families, pacing on occassion, answering phone calls, donning flat brims, and holding up jerseys. Also, a lot of obligatory handshaking.
Furthermore, it’s not this exclusive showcase. In other words, you don’t have to watch the draft to watch the draft. I was at work the entire night and guess what? I knew who every team selected in real time through social media.
And you know what else? I didn’t have to sit through 3 hours of idiots wearing headsets, sporadically claiming the guy the Celtics took at 22 is “fast” and “strong.”
Viewers at home: “Wait… normally guys are either fast or strong. You’re telling me this guy’s BOTH?!?!?! How’d he drop to 22?!?! What a steal!”
I scrolled past some article yesterday suggesting that Tom Cruise mentioned to Dana White that he would fight Justin Bieber. I’m not sure if that was exactly the case because I didn’t read the article but I’m just going to assume it’s true because that’s fucking awesome.
This is one of your typical things that will never happen, but there’s also ZERO reason why it shouldn’t. I mean, who in their right mind wouldn’t drop money on a Tom Cruise/Justin Bieber UFC fight? Honestly, think about it…
As a betting man, I think Cruise would absolutely PUMMEL the Biebs. He has a few inches and 20+ lbs on him. Not to mention, he’s a scientologist and you should never understimate crazy. Crazy wins in most cases. You can’t quantify that in a stat sheet. Cruise with an early second round TKO…
– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)