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Fried-Ay: Saturday Football, Jiffy Lube/Seafood Places, Getting Audited…

Okay, so to illuminate the elephant in the room: it’s Saturday. Nevertheless, Fried-ay lives on. For those who’ve been following my writing, you understand that timing isn’t necessarily everything. Fried-ay can land on a Monday, Wednesday, Saturday, or even Friday, depending on my schedule. That said, let’s get into it…

Okay, so as I’m writing this, it’s around 2:00 PM (I’m working a double so this most likely won’t be finished before my second shift starts) and my buddy just informed our group chat there’s an NFL double-header on today—Texans/Jets at 4:30 and Browns/Broncos in primetime. For the record, I’ve always felt the NFL should adopt this slate on a full-season schedule. Understandably, it would dilute the 1 o’clock injection of euphoria the good folks at Red Zone deliver; however, why not?

I hate the people who complain about football on Thursday nights. It’s become one of those “Internet things” people shit on like Nickelback, candy corn, etc. What the fuck is the problem with having an extra game outside of Sunday? I realize it may suck for the players due to the quick turnaround but guess what? That’s why they get paid enough money to manipulate weather patterns. 

Realistically, I understand this will never happen because it would directly conflict with college football but I don’t care. I live in the Northeast where college athletics take a backseat, not to mention my opinions are more important than your opinions because I narcissistically express them through the vehicle of WordPress whereas you most likely keep them to yourself like some well-mannered, unobtrusive cuck.

Earlier today, I drove by a Jiffy Lube that shares a building with a restaurant called “Lobster Pot.” In other words, if you’re looking for a one stop shop specializing in oil changes/raw scallops, fret no more…

So I just got the mail and found a letter from the good people at the MA Department of Revenue. According to their friendly letter, I evidently failed to report the correct personal income tax… in 2015. For those keeping score at home, I’ve yet to file taxes by myself in my lifetime. Although most people always relentlessly suggest getting TurboTax every year, I refuse to do so because of things like this… which brings me to H&R Block.

Whoever owns H&R Block has to be swimming in a vat of gold like Scrooge McDuck or something by this point. There’s no way what that place does is legal by contemporary judicial standards. I go in there every year, hand over three sheets of paper, twiddle my fingers for 15 minutes, and leave with $350 less dollars than I should be expecting from Uncle Sam a couple weeks later.

Then, THREE years later, I receive letters saying I owe even more money for mistakes that I could’ve made on my own, without the help of Wendy and her lime green nail polish. I understand the government needs to make a buck but dear God, make a buck off the bigger guy. Withdraw this money from the crooks at H&R block, not the guy who routinely wears sweatpants and eats bologna…

– Joey Boats (@joey_boats)

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