Guys, guys, GUYS! It’s Friday, which means it’s Fried-ay, which means it’s time for me to throw in my headphones, toss on a Coldplay playlist, and start dealing hot takes on everything from Coldplay to Coldplay.
As is tradition, I always elect to explain what Fried-ay is as an introduction to these blogs because what would life be without superfluous exposition?
So, for the 3-5 people who will ultimately read this, Fried-ay is a bastion of ingenuity. It’s a place where you can expect the unexpected. It’s a moshpit of green eyes and violet hills. Let’s get into it…
If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m a pretty big Coldplay guy. They’ve been one of my favorite bands from 2000-2005, as well as 2008-now.
You’re probably wondering why there was a three-year hiatus. Well, The 40-Year-Old Virgin came out in 2005 and that “You know how I know you’re Gay” scene had quite the influence on my middle school’s culture at the time.
Long story short, I had to do some spring cleaning on my LimeWire (Kazaa was hack shit by this point) until high school, where I got caught blowing some Lithuanian gardner who landscaped a few houses in my neighborhood. Obviously I’m not Gay but I resolved that it’s a lot easier to not care what people think. It’s why I don’t think I’m Gay…
This is going to sound so agressively ridiculous but I don’t understand Amazon. Like, I get what they do, but I just don’t consider it to be as convenient as most.
Here’s the deal: if you’re getting something incredibly particular or exotic, Amazon’s fantastic. All you do is hit the search bar and it shows up in a few days. That said, I was at a buddy’s house over the weekend and I saw an Amazon delivery at a neighboring house for a box of toilet paper. Fucking toilet paper.
Last time I checked, they sell that stuff at literally every supermarket under the sun. When I claim that, people are always like “Well, it’s 2-day shipping” and I’m just sitting there thinking “Well, if you moved your fat ass off the couch for once and ripped a 5-minute drive to Stop & Shop, it ships in 15 minutes.”
Not to mention, toilet paper is a very weird thing to pre-order. I can just imagine some dude on his Monday commute thinking “They’re serving burritos in the office cafeteria on Wednesday. Might be a good idea to order some rolls so I’m not caught off guard come judgment day.”
It’s day 2 of the PGA Championship and as always, Tiger’s back—roughly 9 back. It’s not looking good for Eldrick; however, there’s hope on the horizon.
I’m actually heading to Bethpage Black tomorrow morning. It will mark my first PGA Tour event and, as Tiger’s premier supporter, I think my presence alone will tilt the scales. It’ll be like that final scene in Endgame where all the Marvel superheroes start walking through portals to save Captain America.
-Joey Boats (@joey_boats)