Fried-ay: Coldplay, Amazon Sucks, and Tiger’s Back…

Guys, guys, GUYS! It’s Friday, which means it’s Fried-ay, which means it’s time for me to throw in my headphones, toss on a Coldplay playlist, and start dealing hot takes on everything from Coldplay to Coldplay.

As is tradition, I always elect to explain what Fried-ay is as an introduction to these blogs because what would life be without superfluous exposition?

So, for the 3-5 people who will ultimately read this, Fried-ay is a bastion of ingenuity. It’s a place where you can expect the unexpected. It’s a moshpit of green eyes and violet hills. Let’s get into it…

If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m a pretty big Coldplay guy. They’ve been one of my favorite bands from 2000-2005, as well as 2008-now.

You’re probably wondering why there was a three-year hiatus. Well, The 40-Year-Old Virgin came out in 2005 and that “You know how I know you’re Gay” scene had quite the influence on my middle school’s culture at the time.

Long story short, I had to do some spring cleaning on my LimeWire (Kazaa was hack shit by this point) until high school, where I got caught blowing some Lithuanian gardner who landscaped a few houses in my neighborhood. Obviously I’m not Gay but I resolved that it’s a lot easier to not care what people think. It’s why I don’t think I’m Gay…

This is going to sound so agressively ridiculous but I don’t understand Amazon. Like, I get what they do, but I just don’t consider it to be as convenient as most.

Here’s the deal: if you’re getting something incredibly particular or exotic, Amazon’s fantastic. All you do is hit the search bar and it shows up in a few days. That said, I was at a buddy’s house over the weekend and I saw an Amazon delivery at a neighboring house for a box of toilet paper. Fucking toilet paper.

Last time I checked, they sell that stuff at literally every supermarket under the sun. When I claim that, people are always like “Well, it’s 2-day shipping” and I’m just sitting there thinking “Well, if you moved your fat ass off the couch for once and ripped a 5-minute drive to Stop & Shop, it ships in 15 minutes.”

Not to mention, toilet paper is a very weird thing to pre-order. I can just imagine some dude on his Monday commute thinking “They’re serving burritos in the office cafeteria on Wednesday. Might be a good idea to order some rolls so I’m not caught off guard come judgment day.”

It’s day 2 of the PGA Championship and as always, Tiger’s back—roughly 9 back. It’s not looking good for Eldrick; however, there’s hope on the horizon.

I’m actually heading to Bethpage Black tomorrow morning. It will mark my first PGA Tour event and, as Tiger’s premier supporter, I think my presence alone will tilt the scales. It’ll be like that final scene in Endgame where all the Marvel superheroes start walking through portals to save Captain America.

Douchebags… Assemble

-Joey Boats (@joey_boats)