Dear Boston: Stop Throwing Things At the Players During the Championship Parades

The fact that I just to even write that headline is BANANAS. I used to live on the positive side of everything. I had faith in humanity and I just figured that people would know what a smart move is, and what a completely moronic, embarrassing move is. Oh buddy, guess what? I was wrong and Boston disappointed me yesterday.


I mean, are we this stupid to be throwing beer at the players and our God and savior, Alex Cora, when they aren’t expecting it? If you didn’t read the article above, it’s about a 19-year-old dummy who got arrested yesterday for throwing a full beer can at Alex Cora, barely missing him and hitting the World Series trophy, breaking it.


Look, we’ve seen it plenty of times before. If a player looks at you and it becomes clear that he’s cool with you firing a beer up there for him to slam, go for it. If he knows that it’s coming then we don’t have a problem. But if you’re just throwing beer in the player’s direction and they don’t know it’s being tossed, guess what, pal, you could seriously hurt one of these guys.

This is the type of problem where if the Mayor or even the Red Sox say no Championship Parade next time (humble brag that we can expect a championship again in the next couple of years), then I’m not going to blame them. These guys are up there trying to party with the fans and we have absolute maniacs hurling objects at them.

I was at the parade yesterday and honestly, I thought it was pretty tame. A lot of drunk people scattered the streets much like a 19th century Galway, Ireland. I can’t confirm that’s how Galway used to be but I just assume that’s how it was. And you know what they say when you assume things? You’re usually right.

Like I was saying though, the parade crowd was pretty chill. Everybody just seemed hyped that the Sox are champions again and we can shove it into people’s faces. Were there a lot of people talking like they knew anything about baseball? Yeah. I mean sure, did someone try to tell me that Joe Kelly was incredible all season? Yeah, they might have. Did I refute that statement? Maybe, but only because I wanted to educate the masses. I’m a huge Joe Kelly guy but let’s not lie to ourselves here. There was a point where Kelly coming in made me shake in my boots.

Can we all just agree that throwing full cans of booze and nips at the players is a flat out dumb move though? Even Mookie Betts said that this needs to stop.

I’m being serious when I say this. It’s embarrassing to have to write this blog. We talk so much smack when Eagles fans acted like complete savages and we can’t control ourselves? Figure it out, Boston fans and let’s be better next time.

Go Sox. I’ve fallen into a slight, seasonal depression now that baseball’s over. But we’re World Series Champions in Boston once again. Screw ’em all. Yankees suck. All is right in the world. Peace, Love, J.D. Martinez.

And PS: Don’t throw a warm beer to Dustin Pedroia. He’ll Gronk spike it directly into the pavement. I love this man.


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-Nick Quaglia (@NickQuag)

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