Being forced to stay inside with nothing to watch has been torturous. Being forced to stay inside with your favorite shitty food, now we’re talking. You don’t have to be a doctor to see that everyone has definitely gained a little weight since everything fun is closed and out of boredom, we feast. So I am here to give you my top 5 snacks to binge eat while being home.
5. Ling Ling All Natural Potstickers, 4.2 Ibs
Easy one to start off with. Ling Ling’s All Natural Potstickers or dumplings, I don’t know what you call them but they are easy to make and to put back. You can get these suckers at Costco and 4.2 pounds surely isn’t enough. Dipping these bad boys in your typical soy sauce or if you like a kick, some sweet chili pepper sauce always hits the spot. My first encounter with Ms. Ling Ling was at Costco and I think I put down my fair share until the manager said that I had to buy them or something dumb like that. The chicken and vegetable flavor are the only ones I have ever seen, but rumor has it there is a beef teriyaki flavor but that stays a rumor until I can get my hands on them.
4. Utz Potato Chips
Yes, I said Utz and not that salt bucket known as Lays. I think Utz has been the superior potato chip for a while now, but is overshadowed by Lays popularity. Lays is just way too salty, Cape Cod is only good in the summer at a BBQ, and Wise…yeaaaaaaa no. I got a bag of Utz and they vanished within a day and a half. One thing about potato chips is that they are a mind numbing experience. Unlike a sandwich or a burger, you can completely turn your brain off for one episode of Family Guy and just go to town on a bag of potato chips which makes them a perfect stay at home snack.
3. Tina’s Frozen Burritos
Talk about a day on the toilet am I right! Ah yes, Tina’s, the burrito brand that no one really knows the name of but they remember distinctly what the wrapping looked like. Go to Market Basket and get these for a $1 a piece, unbeatable price!. Overall they don’t taste bad at all. They all have the same texture and the flavors are all pretty solid.
I can say that I lived on these during my years as a Pop Warner stud. Get home from school and need something to snack on while you walk down to football practice? Tina’s was there. Need to eat something before sleeping over your friends house who’s mom was a trash ass cook? Tina’s had you. Need something to get you through a pandemic? Tina’s has hit the trifecta! Talk about a convenient Mexican cuisine that was ready within a minute and a half. Absolutely unbeatable.
2. Any variation of popcorn
I don’t care if its Pop-Secret, Kettlecorn, Smartfood, or Mr. Redenbacher himself, any variation of this shit is addicting. Popcorn, similar to potato chips, is a mind numbing experience that will last hours or days depending on how many kernels you have to fight. If you’re going to sit down and binge some Netflix, popcorn is the first thing that comes to mind – as it should be. Popcorn and sitting on your ass go hand in hand and there’s no better time than sitting on your ass than now.
Ahh yes, the most delicious thing ever created. Cheese is a tough one to overthrow here. Let’s just think of all the cheese foods, snacks, or condiments that you can name off the top: pizza, literally any sandwich is better with it, Cheez-Its, Cheetos, Cheese Puffs, mac-and-cheese, cheese and crackers, nacho cheese the list goes on for miles. Cheese is also a perfect comfort food. Eat a whole pizza or a bowl of mac-and-cheese and then take a big nap on the couch. And not one of those 30 minute naps either. I’m talking like the “why does my arm look like a henna tattoo” nap.
Please stay inside so the world can get back to what it was and we can live normal again!
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-John McCormack (@Uncle_Mac4)