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Several NFL Head Coaches Considering Career Changes

The NFL is clearly a tough place to keep a job. It’s the time of the year when we see head coaches being replaced for a variety of reasons. With several coaches likely moving on with their lives, they need to read this blog before jumping into another coaching gig. Here’s my expert analysis for what potential jobs in the real world they fit the bill for.

Urban Meyer

Urban is a guy who owns a below-average sports bar that doesn’t check ID’s. This one is a lay up after the footage of him going dummy at his own sports bar went viral last October. It’s a perfect fit. Urban has that sleazy look about him, and is already a proven sketchy bar owner.

 

Vic Fangio

Vic should be a Little League home plate umpire. Take a mental picture of him rocking the helmet and mask. It makes too much sense. Look at him. That’s the face of a guy who’s not afraid to throw your coach outta the ballpark. He’s the perfect age and has the plump body type to be an elite home plate ump. His loud delivery in general makes for a great strike 3 call too.

 

Mike Zimmer

Mike is an older guy who works at Home Depot. From what I already know know about him, he’s got a genuine blue-collar attitude. I can picture Mike just casually strolling through the aisles looking to calmly alpha other clueless males who pretend like they don’t need any help. His soft spoken voice but serious demeanor sends you on your way better prepared to tackle your home project, yet puts you in your place real quick.

 

Matt Nagy

This one was the hardest one, and has more to do with how he conducts himself during press conferences. Matt Nagy strikes me as a naive father who has a good job and lives in the suburbs. The type of guy who’s a good neighbor and extremely positive around the house. Meanwhile, his high school kids are smoking weed outta their bathroom windows every night before they shower. Also, his his wife is secretly racking up debt by maxing out 20 credit cards and buying expensive things behind his back. Matt seems like he has it all figured out, but is actually incredibly out of touch with everything.

 

Joe Judge

Joe’s a cop. He’s clean cut, serious, and just barely in shape enough to hold his own in a physical altercation. The type of guy that you can only get a smile out of after he has a few beers and loosens up. That’s the only time he can decompress and get his mind off of work. When he’s on the clock though, he’s all business, and couldn’t care less about giving an old woman a speeding ticket for going 1 mph over. Between the way he looks and talks, Joe just kinda seems like a square.

 

Pete Carroll

Pete has to be a retired Country Club guy. He’s a tennis instructor for fun when he’s in his Air Monarchs. He could also be any rich old guy hangin around the clubhouse that you see after you finish a round. Pete is the pre-loaded CreateAPlayer if there was a video game for Country Clubs. He’s a stick out on the golf course, and he flirts excessively with teenage Cart Girls who gladly take his generous tips.

 

Brian Flores

Flores seems like a guy who would both physically and mentally dominate you if you ever crossed him. He’s always given me the vibe of a college football strength & conditioning coach who can out-lift every kid on the team for no reason. Don’t even think about wasting his time either. He has one-liners about putting in work and grinding that will put your brain in a pretzel quicker than he can power-clean 500 pounds.

-Cam Duley (Twitter: cammy_coco_)

 

(Featured Images Credit to tmz.com, newsforjax.com, theathletic.com, 12thmanrising.com, elitesportsny.com, ontapsports.net, larrybrownsports.com, si.com)

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