Fried-ay: Evolving Pikachu, Stalin, and Job Searching

gross

Alright guys, we missed last week due to some technical difficulties (I got lazy) but we’re back. I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to write about today, but it typical Fried-ay fashion, I’m just going to glide my moisturized fingers over this 7-year old Macbook keyboard and see what happens…

For all three of you who may landing on one of my Fried-ay blogs, don’t worry. I make sure to explain they don’t make sense as a standard introduction, which doesn’t make sense, but actually does make sense because the entire blog isn’t supposed to make sense, which doesn’t make sense. Anyway, let’s get into it…

One of the running things I reference occasionally is Pokémon. I’m no longer a big Pokémon guy but I hate my life so nostalgia is essentially the only thing that pries me from my bed in the morning. That said, I’d like to discuss one of the most reprehensible things you can do as a human.

For starters, I had Pokémon Yellow, which was the Pikachu edition. I played the living hell out of that game. Like, I literally must’ve clocked in about a year’s worth of my life slashing through Pidgeys and snagging Gym Badges.

Anyway, back in college, I was eating lunch with one of my buddies and, following a Pokémon commercial, discussion ensued. Evidently, he owned the same game, following a 3-minute dip into a vat of nostalgia, he declared he eventually evolved his Pikachu into Raichu when he felt “the time was right.”

I literally almost choked on air when he said it. Like, I honestly didn’t believe there was a human being on this planet who has ever done that. With that said, there was only a single question left to answer: Is my college buddy the most heartless, irrevocably despicable human of all-time?

He HAS to be. No one with a soul, or for that matter, even the slightest sense of morality would be physically/mentally capable of evolving their Pikachu. That’s Pokémon 101 right there. It’s not even like it’s an unwritten rule. It IS the unwritten rule. Stalin wouldn’t have evolved his Pikachu if he had the option, and Stalin is the second most evil human to ever walk this Earth aside from anyone in Team Rocket.

I’ve been applying to various jobs over the past few weeks and I have to be honest: Is there a more frustrating endeavor than job searching?

For the record, I’m a writer at heart, but therein lies the problem. If you scour the Internet for a writing job, you need a minimum of at least 2-5 years of formal experience for entry level. Dude, if you need 2-5 years of experience, it’s not fucking entry level…

Not to mention, these career sites are a joke. Every site requires a different login process (which, in turn, requires me to submit my email information so another company can flood my inbox with promotional material). Every job application should consist of two parts: one, where you input your name; and two, where you upload your resumé/cover letter. Most of these sites ask you to upload your resumé, and then input basically every ounce of your experience through their own platform as well. Why even ask for my resumé if you’re just going to have me dump all my relevant information into your system as well?

Furthermore, everyone tells me I need to do something “eye-popping” to get noticed, which I understand, but still… as an HR Representative, isn’t that your job to look over resumés? Like, what else are you doing?

Also, EVERY application features one of those optional disclosure forms where they blow themselves over how they don’t care about your gender or race. Then, they ask you to provide your gender or race. If you don’t fucking care, then why am I doing this? I’m already not qualified, and even if I was, you’re not going to look at my application anyway…

P.S. This Fried-ay blog SUCKED but I have training to do…

Joey Boats (joey_boats)

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