WATCH: Umpire Has Giant Moth Pulled From His Ear And I’m Ready For War

Bugs have their place in the world. I’ve learned from environmental people that they are “essential” or whatever to our lives. Bees, sure they may sting the hell out of you or kill people who are allergic to them. But we need to #SaveTheBees. What purpose do moths serve? Genuine questions.

Look. If humankind waged war on the moths, there’s no question that it would be a battle for the ages. It would be written about in history books for years. My grandkids will have asked me if I was alive in 2018. If I got to witness first hand the beginning and the end of “The Great Moth War” as we know it. And I’ll tell them yes. I’ll also tell them how it really started and not give it to them in a soft manner that those liberal ol’ textbooks will tell them in 2090 when I still look 30 years old because of all that technology.

It was August 8th, 2018. The Yankees were playing in Chicago against the White Sox. And suddenly, the home plate umpire appeared to be in some discomfort. Next thing you know, a trainer is pulling a Big Ol’ Bertha moth from his ear canal. That was the modern day “shot heard around the world”. And that is when the war began.

I’m terrified now. These things think it’s fine to climb into our ears? I’ve heard the rumors that we eat something like eight spiders in our sleep over our lifetime. But moths in our ears? If that’s the case, we need to wipe our their species clean from earth so we can let other bugs know not to mess with humans. Inside of our bodies? Off limits.

These guys just started a battle with Nick Quaglia that they won’t be able to finish.

-Nick Quaglia (@NickQuag)

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