10 Things You Probably Missed This Week

In the past week: the Eagles won the Super Bowl. Kristaps Porzingis tore his ACL. The Cleveland Cavaliers built an entirely new roster in a day. Josh McDaniels became the Colts head coach. Then he didn’t. Matt Patricia actually did become the Lions head coach. Jimmy Garoppolo got PAID. Tom Brady was mad that he didn’t get paid like Jimmy G got paid. Oh, that was fake? Ron Borges is a terrible journalist who didn’t check his sources? Got it. JD Martinez apparently hates the Red Sox for no apparent reason. BUT WAIT. In the least shocking turn of events ever, Martinez’s agent, Scott Boras, says that his client doesn’t actually hate the one team that’s offered anything close to a legitimate contract. You don’t say.

With everything that went on, I’m sure there were some stories that slipped through the cracks. But don’t worry, that’s what I’m here for. I got you.

  1. Boston Red Sox Truck Day

Oh right, you didn’t miss this, you just didn’t give a shit. If you did care, sorry to offend you. But let me remind you, the Bruins and Celtics are legitimate title contenders, so maybe don’t get all worked up over a truck full of supplies.

2. Josh Donaldson v. Jon Heyman

This one kinda came out of the blue. Professional athletes rarely call out national writers for what they say. But then Heyman included this little nugget in his column yesterday, and JD was having none of it.

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I hate Jon Heyman. Let’s get one thing straight here, Jon Heyman is not rollin’ with anyone in Josh Donaldson’s friend group. He doesn’t know them. Every once in a blue moon, Heyman does actually break some news. Most of the time he’s a Patriot hating, whiny Yankee fanboy. No fun. Donaldson is an Auburn educated, mohawk-thing having stud who hits bombs for a living. Much more fun. I love, love, love that JD called Heyman out here. You should too.

3. Alex Burrows Is Still An Asshole

If you thought Alex Burrows had grown up since his little finger biting incident of 2011, sorry to disappoint you. I don’t even know where to start with this. This is 10x worse than what Brad Marchand did, and yet Burrows only received a 10 game suspension. 50 should have been the minimum. There’s no place for this nonsense in hockey.

4. The New York Rangers Are a Dumpster Fire

The Rangers released a letter to their fans yesterday from President Glenn Sather and GM Jeff Gorton. I won’t bore you with the details, it basically said “Hey we’ve been good since 2005-06, but we suck now so we’re gonna tear it all down and rebuild. Please still pay $250 a night to watch us play.”

That rebuild started yesterday when the Rangers released defenseman Brendan Smith. To be fair to the Rangers, Smith was never worth that contract. To be fair to Smith, yesterday was February 8th. February 8th is his birthday.

5. Colts-Patriots Rivalry Back On

According to Colts GM Chris Ballard the rivalry is back. Josh McDaniels was the straw that reignited the flame.

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No.

6. Darrelle Revis Got Cut

Good, now maybe he can stop embarrassing himself with his half-assed tackling attempts in the playoffs. It’s always sad to see future Hall of Famers fall into mediocrity. But I’ve taken great pleasure in seeing Revis fall off of Kellerman cliff (this is a thing now). Because he’s a jerk.

7. Jon Rahm

The PGA Tour took on the Waste Management Open in Phoenix, AZ last weekend. Jon Rahm is from Spain, but he went to Arizona State. Because anyone can go to Arizona State. Rahm rocked a Pat Tillman ASU jersey on the 16th, and promptly birdied the hole. Pretty cool moment.

8. The Los Angeles Lakers

Lies.

9. Caron Butler Retired

Somehow, this made the news this week. I guess 65 year old Caron Butler, who hasn’t played in the league since like 2012, finally decided to officially hang ’em up. Good for him.

*I’m being told Caron Butler is only 37 and played in the NBA as recently as 2016. Facts don’t matter, I don’t care. He’s old and he hasn’t averaged 12 points per game since 2011-12. But mostly that old thing.

10. Rob Parker Happened

Good sound logic there Rob. Brady honestly would be better off just losing in the AFC Championship game. Screw championships, it’s all about legacy now. Playing in the Super Bowl is too risky. Tbh, being this ostensibly stupid is actually a big step up for Parker. At least he didn’t call anyone a cornball brotha this time.

Got any other crazy stories? Send them to me on Twitter @bborders12

Written by: Brian Borders (@bborders12)

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